When a person starts to live a life on his own he considers a lot of things. When making decisions he needs to think about everything first. It’s really hard to commit mistake because once it’s done, it’s done. There’s no turning back. Life is not like encoding texts in a computer that once you commit an error you can just delete the error and retype everything.
I made a lot of crazy decisions in life. Some of them turn out good but mostly they were bad. I knew that I can not turn back the time and choose another option for the wrong decision I made. I regret all the wrong decision I made in life but given a chance to decide again I’ll choose the right one. As I’ve said not all decisions I made went bad, several were of great help for me. Most of them benefited me, my family and friends.
What really bother me are the wrong decisions I made before. How I wish I could turn back those days and have chosen the right decision and do something about it. I’m not an emotional person, I am not really the type of person that would tell everyone [only the selected few maybe] everything about my life, I don’t open up myself and problem that easily. I know I can always hide it with a smile. A lot of people told me that they are my friends and trust them but it always turn out keeping all my problems and not telling them about it. I don’t know how to cry my problems out, I am not that emotional really, I felt that I am lonely/sad about my problems but I don’t really see my self crying it out. Sometimes I wanted to cry but no tears coming out. Tears are very precious for me; maybe that is why the reason I don’t really cry that easily.
I missed my [real] friends. We don’t see each other very often; we don’t text or call all the time but I know we do care for each other as real friends. They were the ones, who knew everything about me, the good and the bad things I did in life, and I really love and trust them a lot. I entrusted everything to them. They accepted the good and bad things about me, even, that is why they were the ones who really pushes me to do things that are new in my life, they understand how I deal with things around me, supports me, and nevertheless scold me whenever I made mistake.
Of all the things I experienced in life, of all the good and bad decisions I made, of all the problems I overcome and succeed, all the battle I lost… there is only one thing I want to do in life for now… I want to make the curve line in my life straight…
Retzyer Neleb
